The Uninspired Manifesto
Saturday, July 28, 2007
It’s real. How much fun with wordplay can you have with this one?
… it doesn’t matter if a base runner is safe—so much as if he’s saved.
What are the rules for Evangelical Softball?
In the Cape Cod (Mass.) Evangelical Church Softball League, players become ineligible if they don’t attend two Sunday services a month.
In eastern Massachusetts, teams in the evangelical league are limited to three “unsaved” players each—and must turn in a roster specifically highlighting them as such before the start of the season, so that others in the congregation can pray for their salvation and mail literature to their homes. (The rulebook cautions that “‘Outreach Players’ should not be selected for their athletic ability,” but rather for their genuine interest in finding Christ.)
The rulebook of the Stateline Evangelical Softball League in Rockford, Ill., requires long pants at all times; in especially hot weather, shorts are OK only if both managers agree—and only, the rulebook notes in red type, if they are “moderate and knee length.”
Stealing is not allowed.
What other quirks might this game have?
Lots of sacrifice bunting.
No suicide squeezes.
Something about how three outs make up a Holy Trinity.
My atheist friend Neil adds this: “They’re swinging at nothing.”